


sorry

by seoseouls (kihoseok)



Series: One shots bc im a lazy pos [4]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Smut, im sorry, lots of hurt and minimal comfort, you'll probs hate johnny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 11:45:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11230263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kihoseok/pseuds/seoseouls
Summary: "Lie to me.""I love you."





	sorry

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry god

“Lie to me.”

Taeyong was pressed against the bed of a grimy hotel room, a sheen of sweat coating his face and body as Youngho’s cock rammed into him making him gasp for air with every thrust. For a moment, he thought his plea had gone unheard, lost in the sound of skin slapping on skin until Youngho leaned over him, a hand gently resting on his throat, not choking him, but enough pressure to remind him the threat was there.

“I love you.”

Taeyong felt tears slide down his cheeks as he continued to write in Youngho’s hold, his wrists pinned above his head. The lie hurt, it stung, it ripped him up from his heart into his brain, but if he could believe it, even for a fleeting moment, he thought it was worth it.

“You want a lie, Taeyong-ah? I love you. But what isn’t a lie? Love the way you look at me and follow me around like a puppy. Love how you spread your legs whenever I call, love how good your ass takes me and how tight it is no matter how many times we do this. Love marking up your skin. Love leaving you begging for more. I love your body Taeyongie.” 

At the praised Taeyong melted, his cock throbbing as he begged for release, incoherent pleas escaping his mouth in a river of babble that even he himself couldn’t even understand. The way the pleasure of the praise and the pain of the degradation mixed in his stomach, creating a cocktail of fire and ice that sent him over the edge, his stomach turning white with cum as Youngho continued to slam into him after his own release. 

Youngho found his climax inside Taeyong, growling and biting into the smaller boy’s neck so hard it made him whimper quietly in pain. Youngho immediately pulled out, sitting up and dressing himself as Taeyong lay in the bed, utterly spent and filthy.

“You aren’t going to stay?” He asked, his voice raspy due to Youngho using his mouth so much. He knew it was pointless, he never did, but Taeyong always had to ask.

“No, I have to get home to Yoona,” Youngho replied curtly, shrugging on his suit jacket before buttoning up his shirt. 

At the mention of the other’s girlfriend, Taeyong felt tears prick in his eyes. He hid his eyes with his hair and simply nodded, rolling over into the bed to hide his face.

“Good night, Taeyong-ah.”

There was no apology.

There never was.  
///////////////////////////////////////////

Taeyong stared up at the ceiling of the hotel, Youngho dressing himself by the side of the bed. Taeyong hadn’t even bothered to get fully naked, his too large shirt clinging to his frame due to the sweat on his body. 

“We need to stop this.”

Youngho’s words sounded firm and icy to Taeyong’s ears, but he was glad. He was sick of the pain, sick of being a dirty little secret, and as much as he loved Youngho, he knew this was killing him.

“Yoona and I are getting married,” He continued, not even sparing a glance at Taeyong. “We’re getting married in one month and I can’t keep this up. And even though we have the same friends, I think it’s best we don’t see each other again. My career is taking off and I don’t need a scandal, and I doubt you want your face on every tabloid in Korea, but I hope you can find solace in the face that I won’t hurt you anymore.” Taeyong was tempted to reach out to Youngho as he got up off the bed, to grab onto him and sob until he stayed, to beg him not to marry her and to just _stay_ , but he didn’t. He stayed on the bed, frozen, as Youngho rose and strode to the door, unlocking it and casting one glance back at Taeyong on the bed with something akin to regret in his eyes. “Goodbye, Taeyong-ah.”

////////////////////////////

Two years later, Taeyong sat on his couch with his boyfriend Jaehyun, watching a music showcase when Youngho came on the screen. Taeyong had long learned to get used to seeing his first love’s face plastered across magazines and billboards, so he just looked on, his only reaction being the faint yearning in his heart when he saw the man on the screen. Jaehyun didn’t know about Youngho, or as he was known now, “Johnny”, and Taeyong planned to keep it that way. 

“So, Johnny, what do you have prepared for us today?” The hostess asked, and Johnny flashed the same smile that used to make Taeyong weak in the knees to the camera as he sat at the piano. “Well, this one is inspired by a partner I had a long time ago, and how I was, for lack of a better term, kind of a dick to them,” Youngho replied, a smile and laugh ending his statement as the hostess nodded. 

“Is it about Yoona?” She asked, and Johnny stiffened ever so slightly. 

“No, someone before her.”

“Ah, were they the cause of the divorce?”

“No, they weren’t.” 

“I’m sorry, that was a tad too invasive. Please present the song,” The hostess said, bowing as she exited the stage and Youngho flashed a smile to the camera again, although this one was more tight-lipped.

“This one is called ’Sorry’,” He said as he leaned over the piano, and Taeyong snuggled closer to Jaehyun on the couch, hoping, praying, it wasn’t about him.

“ _ **I've missed your calls for months it seems. Don't realize how mean I can be, 'cause I can sometimes treat the people that I love like jewelry 'cause I can change my mind each day. I didn't mean to try you on, but I still know your birthday and your mother's favorite song.**_ ”

Taeyong remembered that day, the day they had been at karaoke and Taeyong had drunkenly sung his mother’s favorite song on the machine before passing out in a bush after throwing up the contents of his stomach, and how he had woken up with Youngho’s shirt on and tucked in his own bed at home.

“ _ **So I'm sorry to my unknown lover, sorry that I can't believe that anybody ever really starts to fall in love with me. Sorry to my unknown lover, sorry I could be so blind, didn't mean to leave you and all of the things that we had behind/**_ ” Taeyong buried his face in Jaehyun’s sleeve, the other man kissing Taeyong’s forehead.

“ _ **I run away when things are good, and never really understood the way you laid your eyes on me in ways that no one ever could. And so it seems I broke your heart, my ignorance has struck again. I failed to see it from the start and tore you open 'til the end.**_ ” Taeyong let the tears freely slip from his eyes as Jaehyun freed his arm from Taeyong’s grasp and wrapped his arm around his instead, pulling him closer as he cried. 

“ _ **And I'm sorry to my unknown lover, sorry that I can't believe that anybody ever really starts to fall in love with me. Sorry to my unknown lover, sorry I could be so blind. Didn't mean to leave you and all of the things that we had behind**_.” Taeyong felt a sob building in his throat, almost letting it loose into Jaehyun’s side. 

“ _ **And someone will love you, someone will love you, but someone isn't me**_.” 

_Taeyong let loose his sobs into Jaehyun’s shirt, letting all his pain out, letting out all his hurt, but all that was discernable amongst the babble flowing out of his mouth was “ _He apologized._ ” _

**Author's Note:**

> song is sorry by halsey and thats exactly what i am for this dumpster fire


End file.
